A few evenings ago, a lover of mine came over for a sex date. We have been seeing each other for about 4 years now. He is married to a beautiful woman with whom I have a wonderful connection, and our relationship is such that he and I see each other in an erotic capacity 2-3 times per month.
Lately, I have been cultivating different energetic and presence practices in my sex. Bringing more awareness to the way I circulate energy through my body during heightened states of arousal and sexual pleasure, with the intention to deepen my ability to influence my reality.
What I love about this lover, is the depth of his ability to feel and communicate his experience of energy and female orgasm. One of my favorite parts of our sexual containers together is the way we speak about our shared experience together after we both feel complete.
The way he describes what he feels in my body, in terms of emotions, sensations, and visual elements that occur in his mind's eye astounds me.
Every time when we are together, he speaks to something he felt in my body, in my orgasm, that directly correlates to a process or experience I am going through in my life, that he literally knows nothing about.
It is an incredibly powerful relationship and field of energy that he and I create when we are together. Part of the reason I believe it to be so powerful is that because of the fact that he is married, any of the stories that might arise about "what we could be" get dismantled, because there is no part of me that is pulling for him to be "my one".
A big part of what I perceive to be the downfall in so many intimate/sexual relationships is how we let our attachment to a certain story line (aahhheemm, prince and princess riding off into the sunset together, thanks Disney) influence the level presence, authenticity, unattached curiosity we bring into our connections.
Through our relationship, I am able to cultivate myself as a lover who can experience deep intimacy and pleasure with a man, without needing to automatically place him into the category as "boyfriend", "partner", etc--which for many of us, comes with its own set of expectations that often cause unnecessary suffering and manipulation.
Of course, in order to access this level of freedom and intimacy in our relationships, it requires a deep level of self-awareness of what we actually desire beneath societal conditioning, and a willingness to let go of personal narratives that keep us trapped in a limited concept of what relationship is "supposed" to look like, and who we must be in order to "make our relationships work".
The Energetics of Intimacy