I sense people have this perception that people who work in the sexuality field are having a lot of sex. And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure many of them are.
And, I just want to clarify a funny and seemingly ironic personal truth, that the deeper I’ve gotten on my sexual embodiment path, the less sex I have outside of a committed partnership.
Why?
Because for me, sharing a sxxual experience with someone is also a sharing of energy, consciousness, and perception of reality.
Especially because I am a woman, and I am the one for the most part receiving someone else’s physical body inside of me, there is a vulnerability in that I am opening myself up to be influenced by this person long beyond the sexual encounter itself.
That’s a not a bad thing, but if it’s done unconsciously, that person’s energy, state of being, and perception of reality is way more likely to have way more impact on my life, because I am choosing to receive them inside of me.
Sxx is beyond physical. There is way more being exchanged than meets the eye.
Many people just don’t realize how much is actually being exchanged because of how de-sensitized and numbed as a culture we’ve become to subtle energy.
The more sensitize we allow ourselves to become (which is a deeply powerful thing if we learn how to hold, harness, and protect our sensitivity), the more we become aware of how another person’s energy impacts our own and the way we perceive the world around us.
Now, let’s add the heart-sxx connection to this equation.
I’ve intentionally chosen to re-establish the heart-sex connection in my body.
Because the only sex I’m interested in is sex where love is present.
Because the only way to connect the crown (chakra) to our sex (sacral chakra) is through the heart. So if we’re wanting our sex to be a spiritual practice, our heart has to be online.
That’s why casual sxx tends not to work for me. I’m not closed to it, but I’m incredibly mindful of the awareness that I genuinely feel at least 90% (likely more, but I’m being conservative) of the sex happening in the united states is trauma-based sex.
Meaning, most of the sex happening at least in the united states is still being engaged in from an unconscious place where we’re:
• dissociating from our body on some level during all or part of the experience
• performing or trying to be seen in a certain way to please or “hook” the other person
• objectifying or projecting (which is also de-humanizing) the person we’re having sex with
Each of the above patterns are symptoms and signifiers of trauma-based sex, and I am personally devoted to slowing the f*ck down in my sexual experiences so I am deeply present and embodied in my sexual experiences so I:
• am not re-perpetuating patterns of self-abandonment or manipulation
• am honoring the person across from me as a brother and sacred kin on the path
• am honoring my creative channel and energy which is inherently linked to my sexuality
#3 is the final piece I’ll land on for now.
For those of us who are teachers, thought leaders, creators, visionary entrepreneurs, guides, or community leaders of any sort…deep intentionality regarding who and how we’re having sex is integral if we value the integrity of our creations.
Sxxual energy IS our creative energy, and our creative channel is influenced by the consciousness of those we share our sexual space with.
If we’re operating in distortion in our intimate or sexual relationships (playing out old patterns rooted in shame, people-pleasing, control, or self-abandonment), it’s going to influence the purity, clarity, and stability of our creative channel.
Our life force energy, our creative energy, and our sexuality as visionaries stewarding important messages and paradigm shifts in the world, is one of our most important assets.
And as a result, I believe discernment around who we share our bodies, hearts, sexual energy, and consciousness with (all four of which I believe our integral to a fully embodied and satisfying sexual experience) is one of the most important things we can devote ourselves to.