Am I Polyamorous? No, I'm Just Human.

Someone asked me if I'm polyamorous. I said no, I'm just human.

I'm pretty turned off by labels when it comes to romance and intimacy. In fact, even the word romance, in my opinion, often leads us down a rabbit hole of fitting into a box of "how we're supposed to be" in relationship.

I don't want boxes or expectations when it comes to relationship, because the truth is, we are constantly changing and evolving human beings, and as a result the way we relate changes as well.

What I am a yes to do, I may be a no to tomorrow, and what kind of a relationship would something be if I was required or expected to do something against my will, simply because I've wanted to do it in the past.

I'm interested in genuine connection, not self-abandonment.

This isn't me looking for an excuse to avoid intimacy.

In fact, most of the reason people want to spend time with me, and pay me for my perspective, attention, and the space I hold, is because of the depth of intimacy I can easily tap into with any person who is truly willing to know themselves, and in-so-doing, truly know me.

What is unique an amazing about the relationships I have with men (I say men in this case because I am, for the most part, heterosexual), is that they are constantly evolving and changing.

I have a man in my life where we used to be sexual, and now we have a deeply intimate yet non-sexual relationship where we are collaborating on community projects together.

I have man in my life where we share a form of sexual intimacy, yet there is no penetrative sex, and he has a primary partner.

I have a man in my life who lives an 8 hour drive away from me, yet because of a deeply profound connection together during a workshop, we find it mutually worth it and fulfilling to get to know each other over the phone and through energetics, even though there is no guarantee if/when we will see each other.

I have a man in my life who I practice intimacy and space holding within a collaborative/colleague container, as a means to cultivate and deepen and expand my skillset in the Immersive Intimacy Work I do with men.

None of us have any agreements or commitments to each other, other than total honesty, transparency, connection and respect for each other's freedom and happiness.

These are the types of relationships I want and choose. Relationships where each person trusts, loves, knows and respects themselves enough to stay in integrity with who they are, what they want, and what they need in every moment.

From this place, we each come in fully resourced, our cups full, not pulling for something outside of us that can only be truly accessed from within.

So no, I am not polyamorous, because in my opinion, polyamory (not matter how well intentioned it is), is just another label that creates an illusion of safety from being hurt, and creates a box that try to fit ourselves into so that we can feel like our relationships make sense.

Intimacy doesn't make sense, who we find deep connection with cannot be predicted, and love is not something that can be controlled.

In the end, there is no right, there is no wrong, there is only choice. And to be truly and freely at choice, means that we need to know who we are and what we want, which no label or how-to-guide can give us.

We are brilliant, unpredictable, constantly changing beings, who have a capacity to love beyond anything we can possibly imagine.

What if we stopped trying to control, stopped trying to label, and instead, allowed ourselves to wade out into the unknown waters of true, unadulterated intimacy and connection?

There is magic
in the unknown.

There is wisdom
in the exploration
of what is true.

And in the process
of discovering
what exists
between you
and another.

You may just find
that you
discover You.

I love you.