A Willingness to Walk in the Dark of Desire

She is awakening...my hunger is awakening...yet again.

She has been dormant, though I did not realize it until recently. I've walked through the fire of this awakening process already, I thought.

I've connected to my sexuality. I've ignited my desire. I've been provocative. I've been aggressive in my sex in the face of a society that seeks to suppress my Feminine liberation of body, soul and spirit.

Been there, done that. I've already rejected societal norms of what conventional monogamy is supposed to look like. I've connected to my power, I've ignited the flame. 

But there is more. There is so much more. 

The next ring on the spiral. Similar flavor, different palate.

Humbled, yet again.

I am hungry. And my appetite is touching a new depth desire for satiation, where I know frivolous grasping for momentary sweet tooth fixations are not going to give me what I want. 

I want more. I want a smoldering of desirous energy in the core of my being that threatens a carnivorous eruption of prolonged passion that could fuel a continent for centuries to come.

My hunger is insatiable, and because of that awareness I realize I must be in command and discernment of the nourishment she receives, and the timing of her meals.

I have already gotten to the place where I know I can have everything. Lack is no longer the concern. Patience and deliberateness however, are my worthy adversaries and teachers.

I am powerful. I can have anything that I want. My desire is a force to be reckoned with. And I have learned that if I am not conscious of the ferocity of my will, men will crumble at my wake.

I am a fawn in the woods, tender and soft to the touch. Simultaneously, I am black widow spider. And if men come into the lair of my carnivorous Feminine without consciousness or intention, my wild nature will eat them alive. 

I cannot help it. I am a force of nature. I am an illusion breaker. And if you fall asleep, forgetting who you are or what we are capable of, I will devour the stagnancy that only assumptions and complacency can breed.

Everything changes. Everything dies. Everything burns.

Even as I write this, I wonder where my words will go, knowing that I am chaos, and to try and understand my wild ways will surely lead me to a purgatory of illusion and patriarchal dogma.

I cannot suppress or control the magnitude of my desire. She is a force, and to do anything other than cultivate and approve of her would surely be my and the world's demise.

In releasing control, I choose command. In releasing abstinence, I choose agency. Worthy trades, in my human perspective.

My hunger is alive, growing, cultivating, attuning, to the frequency of nourishment that will provide the most sustainable nectar for my vessel to breed love and joy that spills out like the gushing of my vulva when she is liberated to exude, express and devour without confines or restraint.

Love me, if you dare. Caress me, if you will. My passion is a flame that moths have burned within. 

And yet my heart, in the brilliant dance of tenderness, trust, surrender, and total domination, will hold you in a crucible of spiritual embodiment and emotional alchemy that will rub you into a diamond freshly polished from lead. 

I am chaos. I am God. And I am imperfect woman with a tender heart, who wants nothing more than to just come home.

May the fires of our soul light the way. For with you, my long-lost friend of Old, I am willing to walk in the dark.

 

The Magic of Being Honest About Who You Truly Are

When I, as a woman, conceal my desires and don't express my boundaries in my intimate relationships with men, I perpetuate a culture of affirming men's inadequacy and inability to attune to the energy and truth of women.

When I, as a Jew, cling to the belief that I need to suffer and struggle in order to live a meaningful life, I perpetuate and affirm a culture that has us believe that happiness and success cannot simultaneously exist.

When I, as a lover, do not ask my partner to slow down, lighten his pressure, or any other adjustment I desire in the moment during sex, I am affirming and supporting an approach to sexuality that is built on obligation and disconnection, rather than inspiration, awareness and love. 

When I, as a human, hide the wholeness of who I am in order to appease and make people around me "more comfortable", I affirm and support a culture that says it is not okay to live authentically.

I am a woman, I am Jew, I am a lover, I am a human...facing the courageous act every day of facing the sometimes seemingly insurmountable fear of being honest about who I am, what I want, what I need, and what I feel...while staying open in vulnerability, rather than closed, guarded, and protected in captivity. 

I am not fearless. In fact, I am shaking in my bones, willing to be seen in the nakedness of my truth, knowing that I am not "right", I am just willing to be honest, and connectable in that vulnerable place where I have nothing left to hide, because I'm wearing my soul on my skin, and my heart on my sleeve.

I want to know my heart, when I am no longer ruled by the expectations and projections of others, because I spent so much of my life, becoming who men believed I should be. 

Be less emotional, be less expressive, be less joyful, be more responsible, be more contained, be more docile. I had made a career out of becoming who I believed I needed to be so that the men in my life would love me.

And please men, who are reading this post, know that I love you, and do not blame you. It is in realizing the conditioning of my past, that I can be free to connect with love and trust in the present.

I am a woman, I am a Jew, I am a lover, I am a human...doing her best to heal the wounds of my gender and my labels, so that I can simply be a human, free of my past beliefs that I was different, isolated, and disconnected from the different genders, different races, different cultures around me. 

I choose to heal my past beliefs of being not enough, being a victim, and being too much, so that I can show up in full service to my joy, my liberation, and consequently the joy and liberation of all those around me.

Connection to Self and connection to the whole are one in the same. 

I am releasing the struggle for survival. 
I am releasing the guilt for my aliveness. 
I am releasing shame for my desire for more joy and pleasure.
I am releasing the belief that I need to isolate in order to succeed.
I am releasing the belief that I need to do anything other than exist in order to deserve peace, love, and happiness.

I am releasing all that does not serve me at this time in my life. 
Thank you for witnessing me. May my words be kindling for the firing starting in your soul.

I love you.

The Courageous Act of Being Vulnerable

I would love to be able to say that it gets easier facing our fears.

That it gets easier speaking the truth that is on our heart, in the face and risk of not being understood, being rejected, or losing love.

This is courageous work, being who we truly are. In a culture so hell-bent on making us feel that who we are is not okay.

I am a powerful woman with strong convictions, deep virtue, and relentless desire for more — more connection, more love, more knowledge, more experience, more power, more pleasure, more truth, more magic.

And simultaneously, I am a scared woman with a tender heart, a hyper-awareness of other people’s experience, and a Gemini mind that is constantly supplying me with a paradox of contradictory feelings and beliefs that could convince anyone that I am categorically insane.

Just because I teach the work, does not mean I am a master of it.

It just means that I am devoted to the practice of continually stumbling through this thing we call connection, knowing that I will never actually be able to perfect it or “get it right”.

There is no “right”. There is no “perfect”. There is just attunement to and resonance with what feels most good, alive and true in our hearts.

And it is terrifying. Did I mention it is terrifying?

To do this work and be seen in my fuckups and my withholds and my messy imperfections that make me want to vomit in a world that profits off of selling us our insecurities is INTENSE.

I am not perfect, but I am passionate. I am not enlightened, but I am engaged in the process of figuring my shit out so I can have the life and relationships that the real ME actually wants.

And I am hoping that in sharing the world inside the mind and heart of an Intimacy Coach, that we can all realize that there is no “right way” to “do” relationship.

There is no “rule book” for connection. There is no “defined path to fulfillment”.

We forge that path for ourselves, and what I do know is that it all begins with how we connect with ourself.

And the people who are willing and crazy enough to be our allies and partners in paradoxical crime through the process of our own awakening, are more valuable than gold.

Here’s to Sunday morning soul searching and bowls of avocado and quinoa. I’m going to go to the beach. Perhaps I’ll find my answer to the question I’m not asking in the ocean. Until next time, be real, be you.

A Container For Men to Open their Desire

He sat across from me on the floor, tense in his body. His knees up, arms crossed over his shins, unknowingly blocking himself from the energetic connection available between us.

He spoke from the chest up — I know this because I can feel his words in my body.

I can feel where he stops himself from embodying his masculinity, his core, his cock — the aspects of himself that have been shamed, persecuted, or made wrong, whether by women, by society, or by the conditioning of his mind.

Like many men, he feels it’s not safe or permitted to be all of who he is.

I pause him mid-speech, as I often do when I feel a client speaking but not saying anything. After nearly 6 years of this work, I’ve learned it’s not the words you say, but the transmission behind them, and I couldn’t feel him.

He is sharing about a recent date he went on with a new woman in his life.

He is exploring non-monogamy for the first time since his divorce of 16 years (ended 2 years ago), and wants to find approval for his desire to connect with multiple women, without caretaking emotions or feeling guilty for his own honesty about what he will and won’t give.

As he shares his experience about this woman, I invite him to share with me as though he is sharing his experience with a lover — inviting him to allow me to feel the arousal he experienced in his body from the date.

Upon this invitation, his face lights up, his body relaxes — and he feels the freedom that drew him to our coaching work in the first place.

He embraces the invitation, and glides himself towards me, inviting me to scratch his beard the way the woman from his date did the night before, showing me how he kissed the woman on the cheek.

I feel myself flush, and he as well.

I am his coach, and I am also a woman in his life. I invite and receive his eroticism, his arousal, his desire — without needing, pulling, or shaming any aspect of what he brings to the experience.

Within the clear boundaries of our coaching relationship, he is free to be who he is when he stops care-taking and holding himself back.

I ask him what he is feeling. He replies that he is nervous, yet excited, exploring the boundaries of our working relationship together.

He says he feels frustrated that much of the time when I ask him what he is feeling — he doesn’t know. He wants to know. He wants to be able to respond.

His desire is vulnerable and deep. My job is to help him to free himself from the shackles of shame and doubt that so many men wear.

I invite him to feel the energy of his cock. He smiles whenever I say that word.

A contained grin that reveals he is not used to women speaking about his genitals in such terms with such crass comfort.

I don’t need anything from him. I just want him to feel what it feels like to connect with his cock in the presence of a woman, and know that it is okay, that it is safe and so is he.

I look at him, and ask for consent to sit on his lap, demonstrating how I will sit. He says yes, and I proceed to wrap my legs around his lower torso, straddling his waist, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, his arms wrapped around my waist. And we hug.

I allow myself to melt into his embrace, and he can feel what it feels like for a woman to surrender into his arms. I hold him, I love him with my energy. I tell him that all of him is welcome here. That this is the man the world needs.

He is melting now. His eyes are warming. His body relaxing. A joy, an ease, a playful embodiment overcomes him that transforms him into an entirely different human.

“This is what I want. I want to be here all the time”. He says.

“You can take it with you”, I say. This energy that you and I are cultivating exists within you, and you have the ability to create it with anyone woman where there is a shared desire to do so.

Smiling. He. Smiling. Me. No grasping. No attachment. Just smiling.

I tell him that I’m going to get off of his lap, and I do. I look at the clock, 15 minutes until the end of our session. Perfect timing.

I remind him to remember what it felt like, to drop from his head into his body. To remember the moments where I paused him mid-word, inviting him to “come back down into your body, into your cock — speak from that place”. Inviting him to remember how it felt to transition from one space to the other.

“Practice dropping into this space with women in your life this week, with people in general. And text me to let me know what you notice and what you experience”.

He smiles. "Yes, I actually understand what you’re saying now", he says.

What has felt like a different language to him — the language of intuition, of energy, of feeling, is starting to make sense to him.

We hug goodbye, he leaves, and I smile. Content, that this is the work I get to do. Smiling because this is no work at all, this is home.

How Our Feelings Weigh Down Our Bodies

 

It isn’t easy being a human being these days.

We are told how to look, how to be, how to act and how to feel as a prescription to being loved and accepted by others, and, quite frankly, it blows.

We live in a culture obsessed with emotional, mental, physical and spiritual perfection, and in the pursuit of that picture-perfect, even-keeled, inside the box ideal, we start to suppress and shut down who we truly are, because if we’re not tapped into the paradigm social acceptability, then we believe we are sh*t out of luck for a date to the dance—so to speak.

What does it feel like to smother your anger under layers of false smiles and stifled words? What does it feel like to perpetually swallow a powerful truth that is begging to be spoken? How does it feel in your body what you let others take advantage of you or not honor your personal boundaries?

To continue reading, visit the full publication on elephant journal by clicking the link below:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/12/how-our-feelings-weigh-down-our-bodies/

Truth, Love & Presidential Elections

I feel gravity this morning. I feel a weight and solidity in my body that is surprising, yet soothing. I know Trump is our new president. I know that many of his views run counter-intuitive to everything that I stand for, as a human, and especially as a women. 

I feel aware that simply for the fact that I am a white upper middle class woman that I have liberties that many people of other colors, genders and background do not have, haven't had, and will never have. And knowing all of that, I will still say this:

I don't feel afraid. And I don't feel anger either. It could be easy to feel anger at the sheer number of people who did vote for Trump, and use the fact that I voted for Hillary as an excuse for why I'm exempt from the creation of this startling reality.

But the truth is, Trump being in office is as much a reflection of myself as a reflection of the most angry, racist, misogynistic psychopath we've seen on camera at a Trump rally. Hell, at least that guy is letting his vitriolic freak flag fly.

Having reflects wanting. And the fact that we HAVE a man as president who has expressed such hatred, judgment, and disdain for so many people on this planet, it means that on some level, we believe this, we need this, we WANT this.

Trump being elected has me asking myself the following questions:

Where am I still suppressing my voice because of my fears about my inadequacy or fallibility as a woman?

Where do I still hold deep-seeded judgments of others based upon their belief systems, their anatomy, or the color of their skin?

Where am I still operating under the false belief that anyone has the key to my power and freedom other than myself?

I do not claim to be a woman who is versed in the details of politics, government and law. But I am a woman who is deeply versed in the wisdom, workings and evolution of the Soul.

And what I do know is EVERYTHING that occurs outside of me (especially that which instills within me seething angering or paralyzing fear) is a reflection of something within me desiring to be acknowledged, claimed, and brought into the light.

So today I feel grounded, and more clear than ever of the path that I am walking--as a human, and especially as a woman. 

With a man in office already speaking of his intention to take away a woman's right to choice of her own body--now is the time more than ever for women to bring our voices into the world.

Now is the time for women to recognize the medicine that only WE can bring to the planet. And that we can only bestow our medicine when we release all shame for who we are, what we desire, and what we believe in the deepest conviction of our own hearts. 

I am a stand for women claiming the power of their voice when they bask in the radiance of an open and unapologetic heart. And I am in support of building community around women stepping into the unique expression of their magic, of their power, that this world is so desperately asking for.

If you are a woman who feels these words resonating as truth in your bones, I invite you to join the community and conversation of women on the same Path in my closed FB group, Sex, Power & Magic, by clicking here: http://tinyurl.com/hu36wdm

And if you are a human, resonating with the words I am writing, I invite you to be compassionate with yourself today for the places where you still imprison yourself with your judgments, your insecurities, and your blindspots. 

You are reading this because you ARE doing the work, and yes, there is always more to be done. But trust yourself, and trust in the power of what is possible when we look at ourselves and the world with compassionately honest eyes. For the truth is not the whole truth, unless it is spoken with love.

The Willingness to Have What We Want

We can have anything we want.

That's not the issue.

The issue is that we're unwilling let go of all the stories and deeply ingrained beliefs systems that have us convinced of why we can't have it.

"I don't deserve it".

"It costs too much".

"It's not the right time".

"It's inconvenient for my relationship".

And here is my response to all of these reasons (which I myself have been a speaker of):

* The very fact you exist implies you deserve it.
* If you truly want something, you'll always find a way to make it happen.
* It's never the 'perfect' time to irrevocably transform the course of your life.
* If you're shutting down your desires in your relationships, that is something to look at".

So let's go beneath the surface stories and into the real raw truth.

Why do we avoid pursuing and actualizing our deepest desires and living our purpose?

Because we are afraid of the magnitude of our own power.

We are afraid of letting go of the small identity we have clung to for so long because it has kept us safe within a world that shames the rebellious act of being Yourself.

We are afraid of losing the relationships on our life that have kept us comfortable in our chosen subjugation.

We are afraid of making others uncomfortable in the magnitude of our presence and unapologetic nature.

We are afraid of the responsibility that we would have to take for EVERY single thing that we attract into our life.

Yes. That all makes sense. I get why you're afraid. It's terrifying to take responsibility for the magnitude of our power and impact on the world around us.

It's terrifying to acknowledge that there are no limitations to what we can have, except for the stories we cling to that strangle our spirit and block out our light.

So why would we choose this path, of having what you TRULY want? Because to have what we TRULY, it requires us to embody your True Nature. It requires us to become an intimate lover of our own Soul, and dive into the deepest parts of who we are that we hide from most of the world.

This is where our power resides, and when we do the work of reclaiming and embodying our True Nature, we become a magnet for the people, places and experiences that will reveal to us our Soul Purpose--it will reveal to us who we are when we live in the full out expression of our Greatness.

What I am speaking of is a life without limitations. A life steeped in the full expression of our purpose here on this planet. And a life filled with pleasure, peace and fulfillment beyond what we can currently imagine.

We can have it. It is our birthright. And it begins with a step outside of your comfort zone, and into the unknown.

Everything You Want Is In Your Body

Our ability to attract and receive that which we truly want in our life comes down to our ability and willingness to be embodied--meaning, the degree to which we choose to inhabit our body. 

Most of us spend our lives checked out of our body, living up in our heads, in our stories, around why it's not safe or not okay to be in our body now. The majority of reasons we do this ultimately come down to two things: Shame and Fear--the dynamic duo of disempowerment.

My experience is that often (but not always), shame precipates fear. They cycle seems to be that we experience shame about some aspect of our existence, often associated with the following:

- shame about the shape/size/weight of our body
- shame about our sexuality
- shame the things we desire or the things that give us pleasure
- shame about what we have NOT accomplished
- shame about money, career, family, relationship, health, etc.

And because of this experience of shame in one of (or several) of the areas spoken above, we experience fear around having to feel the emotional and physical pain that said shame provokes.
So, we choose to disembody, living up in our heads, and sometimes fully out of our bodies (thank you New Age movement), in order to avoid the pain, prescribing to the story "I'll decide to fully inhabit my body....

....once I lose the weight.
....once I have the right relationship.
....once I have financial stability.
....once I land my dream job.
....once I'm PERFECT.

What a PERFECT recipe for never fully inhabiting your body--choosing to put the full embodiment of human life on hold until all circumstances and conditions are perfect.

It's never going to happen.

Our lives are constantly showing us the places we have more healing to do, more walls to take down, more bridges to build where the destinations will hold more fruit than that which currently exist--but to hold off on BEING here right now, in anticipation of the "big exhale" of perfection, disconnects of from the very power source that can fuel the creation of a life rich with our deepest fulfillments.

To attract and receive the people and experiences that will truly nourish and fulfill us, we need to be IN our body. Otherwise, one of two things (or both) tend to happen.

1) We believe we are unworthy of what we want, and consciously push it way, or subconscious sabotage it's presence in our life.
2) We pursue relationships, careers or material things that aren't ACTUALLY what we want, but pursue them anyway because we've been told by others (family, society, peers) they will make us happy.

Do you know what you want? Do you ACTUALLY know what you want? Are you waiting for that "last thing" to click into place before you feel safe/worthy of fully inhabiting your body? Are you living a life of your choosing? Are you willing to be here now?

I ask you these questions, because I ask myself these questions every day. I've learned that creating a life of my choosing requires me to become curious of all the places I am saying "No" to being here right now. All the magic arises from a feeling, and all feeling begins in the body.

I love you.

Arielle

I Love Getting Triggered

One of my greatest teachers is a woman who triggers the shit out of me, and I'm not even paying her to do it. And before I go into detail, let me offer my own personal definition of "getting triggered".

"Getting triggered" means that some external stimuli, whether an individual or a situation, evokes an emotionally charged response in us the feels intense, irrational, and is usually quite uncomfortable to experience. Emotions often associated with getting triggered include anger, fierce judgment, jealousy, despair, confusion, torment--and the list goes on. The next thing that can often occur is a desire to lash out at or make wrong the person/situation that catalyzed the intense feelings. This can also be followed by feelings of victimization, helplessness and disempowerment. Sound familiar?

So here's the thing-- When we get triggered, there is an opportunity for us to discover an old (and sometimes ancient) pattern that is trapping us in a way of being that doesn't serve or empower us. And it is in this moment, where we can either choose to play out an old story, or become curious of what the message is beneath the emotional reaction. What are you protecting? What part of you is lashing out so fiercely to cover up the deeper desire for love, acceptance and permission for exactly who you are in this moment? Where is this an opportunity for me to reclaim more of who I am?

These are the questions I ask myself when I feel triggered. And this woman, this amazingly powerful woman who evokes such frustration, indignance, anger and desire all at once, offers me the opportunity to be humble, curious and supremely powerful, by inviting me to take full responsibility for my experience. Becoming curious of what part of me is wanting to be reclaimed and re-integrated, rather than going into the fear that I can't have access to this piece of my power.

What if we stopped blaming anyone for anything? What if we took 100% responsibility for everything that happened to us, no matter how out of our control the circumstance seemed? How would we live life differently if we know that our every thought, every emotion, every belief shaped our external reality? These are the questions I ask myself and live by every day. And let me tell you, it is a rich, rewarding and infinitely enchanted life I do lead.

With Love,

Arielle

 

I Am Here to Help Women Remember

I am here to help women remember who we are. I am here to help all beings remember that our natural state is joy and wonder, and it is from this place that ALL divine creation occurs.

I am here to help women access and remember their essence, through reconnecting to their pleasure and sexuality. And through MY sexuality, I am here to give men permission to let the beast within them roar with pride, power, and permission.

I am passionate about women giving themselves permission to fully own, express, and live from the deepest desires.

I am passionate about helping women seeing their emotionality, their intuition, their fluctuation in mood and mind, their sensitivity, their magic--everything that we have been shame and slaughtered for in the past--as what makes us powerful and wise.

I am fed up with living in a culture full of men who are afraid to be Masculine, and women who are afraid to be Feminine.

I am fed up with living in a culture where women fear they are too much for men, and men fear they are not enough for women.

I am fed up with living in a culture where people would rather suffer and slowly die inside in silence, then speak the truth of their heart. I am sick and tired of living in a culture of man-hating women, and women-hating men.

It is time to come together, as men and women, and say the things that keep us separated--that keep us fragmented, and cause the very destruction that we seeing happening to this beautiful planet that we live on. A balancing of the Masculine and Feminine needs to occur.

Both sexes have the struggle of our conditioning to work with.

We have both been shamed for being the very thing that makes us who we are, and we must ALL take responsibility for letting go of the conditioning and shame that keeps us enslaved, bitter, resentful and afraid.

I myself, keep myself enslaved by thinking "who am I to hold such bold a claim and belief as the one listed above"? 

I am a young, blonde, white woman living in America, who has always had food on her table and a roof over her head. I think "how dare you be angry, entitled, or in judgment of the people around you?" "You more than 90% of the world population".

Yet here I am, feeling these very feelings, and the reason I feel entitled to do so is because I am an embodiment of everything I know must change on this planet.

Every day, my commitment is to free myself of all the ropes, shackles and beliefs, that have kept me stuck in the very culture I speak of above.

I have feared being judged, ridiculed, cut down, laughed at, attacked, you name it, for the conviction of feeling and thought I hold within me if I was to express it outwards. And I have done those very things to myself in order to remain silent.

So, my commitment, moving forward, is to share what I believe, in utter power and humility, knowing that I will both inspire and trigger those who I touch with my words, and everything in between.

Perhaps my biggest fear is that I will do neither--and that my words will fall on an indifferent audience with no ears or desire to hear me. And that is my challenge, am I willing to speak up, regardless of the reception or welcome?

My answer is YES, I am and I will, from this moment out. I will speak and I will rise.

Thank you.

I love you.