On Sex and Sovereignty

How do we connect deeply with another human being without sacrificing who we are in order to make the “relationship work”, or conform to some standard of what we’ve been told relationship needs to look like?

I was just sitting with a girlfriend, and she was describing how in her partnership, both she and her partner have agreed to not go in and “save” each other.

They trust each other to take care of themselves, and not collapse into a merged identity of saving and co-dependence, simply because that what’s romance is “supposed to look like”.

She was also saying that their relationship triggers a lot of their friends, namely because of the level of freedom each partner has to do what they want to do, go where they want to go, without needing permission or approval from the other person.

My experience is that along with the fear of losing love, there can be an intense desire to control the actions of the person (or persons) we are in relationship with, because certain actions could threaten our sense of safety and identity in the relationship.

This isn’t to say that we as partners shouldn’t care or be aware of our impact on our partners, however, I see a trend where it seems most romantic relationships are playing out some “Victim — Savior — Perpetrator” dynamic from the “Drama Triangle”.

And here’s the thing, it isn’t “our fault”. We’ve been conditioned by society, by reality TV, by porn, by Disney into what our relationships (especially between a man and a woman in a sexually intimate relationship should look like).

I feel a big part of our “work” right now is looking at where we as individuals are still playing into conditioned cultural relationship dynamic where we are literally taught to give our power away.

For myself, much of this has been looking at where I’ve been attached to feeling like a victim in relationship with men, looking at where I still want to be saved, and looking at where I have manipulated through sex appeal and wit to get what I want.

That’s a big part of why I’m choosing to engage in 6 moon cycles of no penetrative sex (meaning no penis inside of me for 6 moon cycles).

It’s allowing me to remove a part of the equation (the desire for or agenda towards sex) that can subconsciously or unconsciously motivate me to give my power away, or try to take power from the man I’m in connection with.

I don’t want to control anyone, and I don’t want to be controlled. I want all of my relationships, especially the relationships where deep intimacy and sexually intimacy may exist, to be ones where I am showing up in my sovereignty, and creating space for the other person to do the same.

After all, how are we supposed to create deep healing and connection in our communities if we are all walking around subconsciously sexualizing each other and pushing an agenda for sex or emotional commitment?

Strong communities begin with strong individual relationships, which means looking at how we contribute to agency and empowerment in our individual connections.

Our relationships are meant to be deeply pleasurable, fulfilling, and expansive. We are meant to feel nourished. We are meant to feel free. We are meant to feel seen and loved and deeply cared for.

And it begins with us being honest about the places where we would rather be in control than in connection, and the places where we would rather feel comfortable than feel truly alive.

Let us play in this game of expansion and sovereign relating together. We can always find a bigger sandbox in which to play.

I Am Touching Myself to the Thought of You

I am touching myself
to the thought of you
this morning.

And that terrifies me
because it is my heart
not just my sex
that you are touching
within me.

How the hell
can I be strong,
empowered,
standing for all that is wrong
about being a woman
in a man's world?

While simultaneously
wanting nothing more
than to be soft
and vulnerable
in your arms
in your gaze
in your love.

Fuck you.

And yes
I know it's not you
but it's what you represent
to me, a woman
who has been fighting
an inner battle
just to prove to herself
she is worth
the same value
the same recognition
the same respect
as a man.

It isn't easy
to admit these thoughts
still exist within me,

but they do
and you need to know
because I am seriously considering
letting you
be a man
who helps me remember
this doesn't need
to be true.

I love you
and it's terrifying
but I'm willing
to give up my game
of all the ways
that I hide
manipulate
and push away
to you.

A New Approach to Intimacy

I hear a knock on the door, and I smile. I know who it is, and I am happy he is here.

I've been preparing for his visit, intentionally arranging my space. Lighting candles, burning incense, playing music I love, moving my body to its beat.

I feel the aliveness in my body as I walk to do the door, feeling gratitude for an answer to the anticipation that has been cultivating.

I turn the door knob, slowly pull it open, to reveal a man on the other side of it who knows how to attune to my body, my sensitivity, and my emotional intelligence.

We look at each other and smile, this kind of smile that alludes to a unique history, a mutual knowing, and a pleasurable curiosity of the particular chemistry of our connection.

We are deeply intimate, yet clearly contained. We are rich in chemistry, yet clear on the boundaries of our connection. It is a relationship unlike any I have ever experienced, and I am so grateful for its presence and medicine in my life.

He facilitates intimacy and healing work with women. I facilitate intimacy and healing work with men. We each creates spaces for people of the opposite sex to experience a level of surrender and vulnerability that allows them to connect with themselves and fall more deeply in love with who they truly are.

It was a divine synchronicity that our paths crossed as they did, and as we deepened into exploring the nature of our connection, it became clear to each of us that there was an opportunity to create an intentional container for our relating in which we could:

1) Create a collaborative relationship to cultivate our professional skills in the art of facilitating deeply intimate healing spaces for the opposite sex to transform and grow within, through practicing with each other.

2) Create a personal relationship with each other where we could relate deeply and explore loving connection, sensual touch, and vulnerable communication without defaulting into a conventional relationship or romantic attachment.

Each time we came together, there was some form of intention, some type of discussion of the container, and what the purpose or desire for our connection was.

There was something deeply healing here for me. To be able to cultivate deep intimacy with a man I had immense attraction to and emotional chemistry with, and hold a container so clear and solid with him that the devotion to presence, attunement to the resonant action, and care for each others freedom, growth and happiness outweighed any desire for projection-based gratification.

We had shared several meetings together of this nature before this particular day when he arrived, and when our eyes met, I could feel the awareness of everything I have shared with you above, as an unspoken exchange of acknowledgment between our energetic beings before he walked in the door.

As he walked in to the space, I walked towards the tea kettle to begin boiling some water. He had brought a sacred tea set with him--as he had expressed a desire to create a tea ceremony for us. I loved the feeling of this intention.

The agreements for our relationship container were such that, unless we specifically spoke otherwise, there would be no mouth to mouth kissing, and we had never actually exchanged genital to genital contact, nor had other of our mouths touched each others genitals.

While we had shared different forms of genital touch with each other, these exchanges occurred in clear containers, where one was deliberately receiving, while the other was offering. There was something beautiful about this container that allowed me to feel turn-on in the subtlest of experiences.

I loved the feeling of safety my body felt in his presence. There was such a tenderness in our touch with each other. Such an awareness and devotion to sensitivity and energetic connection. The clear boundaries allowed for an evocation of our senses that, had penetrative sex been immediately on the table, we may have never been able to access with each other.

The water boiled, and as he prepared the setup for his tea ceremony on the oriental rug on the floor, I carried over the water with intentional presence, aware of my every moment as if in ritual. This was my ritual. Intimacy is my ritual.

I sat down, handed him the kettle, and he pour water into the abundant tea pot, overflowing gently as leaves of jasmine peaked above the rim. I loved his appreciation of subtly. His reverence for the delicacy of tea spoke to his reverence for the sacredness of touch.

Together we talked over tea. Sharing our experiences of connection with other women and men in our lives. The things we were learning through the connections, about how we want to love, about how we want to live, and about how to express and hold ourselves in such a way that we can intentionally create spaces that sustain those experiences.

In a moment of pause, he looked over at me and asked, "Would you like to come closer to me?" A pulse of earthy electricity coursed through my spine and into my pelvic floor.

"Yes", I said. I loved this question. I loved the feeling and simplicity of his request, creating such a clear invitation for connection in a particular way.

As I had been lying on my belly, I crawled over to his left side where he was sitting cross-legged on the ground. As I settled myself on the floor against his side, I placed the length of my arm along his thigh and knee, and began to kneed his calves and leg with my hand.

An unspoken mutually consensual invitation occurred for each of us as we began to massage and caress each others' bodies. He squeezing the flesh of my hips, the curve of my ass cheeks, a beautiful flow of energy, arousal and eros.

As I surrendered into the sensation of connection, I allowed the back of my body to organically arch up from the floor, rising to my knees, with the upper part of my body still pressed to the floor, presenting my bare lower body, beneath the purple dress I was wearing to adorn my skin.

He began a succession of fluttering spanks on my ass, my thighs, the inside of my legs. Not painful, just enlivening influx of sensation and awakening of my senses. I love how much my body trusted him, and trusted our container, knowing that it was totally safe for me to surrender to my desire, because we both had clarity of what our "yes" and what our "no" was.

As I deepens into heavier breathing and moans began to emerge from my mouth, he asked me if I would like to receive sensual touch and if he could enter me with his fingers. I said, "Yes, please, I would love that".

He always asked, and so did I. There was a genuine mutual respect and care for each others' bodies, knowing that no touch was assumed when it came to our genitals, and permission to enter was asked for first.

My body and heart had been getting aroused from the moment he walked through the door. One of the things we would often acknowledged to each other during the time we spent together, is how aroused we became in circumstances that had nothing to do with sex.

Because our relating was inherently intimate, with intention and clear boundaries around our connection, our mutual presence with each other was an inherent turn on, and I loved that.

So as he moved towards my flower, and gently touched the outer lips of my pussy, my body engorged into waves of deep, pulsing orgasms. That type of orgasm that you can feel deep in your body and soul, as if sourced the mother nature herself.

I allowed myself to fully surrender to my desire, my desire for pleasure, my desire to receive, my desire to climax, and my trust for him to hold the container of our experience together as I slipped consciously into my involuntary.

We had clear time containers for our meetings with each other. Knowing when our meeting together would end, we liked to have time towards the end for integration, for holding each other, for sharing or processing anything that needed to be spoken and released before we parted ways.

I loved this about our connection--that I could drop in so deeply, feel so seen, so safe, and so cared for, that I never actually needed to feel the anxiety of abandonment, rejection, or being taken advantage of.

We cared about each other, as human beings, as friends, as kin on the path of awakening through connection. And our agreement of those truths was deeper than any place where we could have defaulted into being ruled by anxiety or avoidance, rooted in the fear of being controlled, or the fear of losing love.

Our relationship is medicine. Our connection is magic.

And as we rode the wave of orgasmic presence and connection together, he tuning into the flow of my body, we found a place of resonant conclusion, leaving 15 minutes left in our container to cuddle, ground, and integrate our experience before we parted ways.

I allowed my body to rest fully unravelled upon the floor, us looking at each others eyes in another moment of acknowledging something difficult to describe yet impossible to ignore.

We laid together, integrating, appreciating, acknowledging, and as 2:30pm approached the clock, he rose up from our mutual resting place, gathered his things, and walked towards the door. He turned, we hugged, he moving towards the hallway with the door knob in his hand, smiled at me and spoke "Aloha". "Aloha", I shared in return.

The door closed, the container complete, and again, I smiled, feeling the beauty of how easy it was to say goodbye, trusting without doubt the solidity of our care and respect for each other.

Not worrying about when we would see eachother next, not worrying about "what the exchange meant", simple feeling gratitdue for the fact that it WAS, and that I was a better, happier, more fulfilled human being as a result of that individual experience. And that the beauty of our connection is simply a reflection of the love and abundance that innately exists within myself.

These are the relationships I choose to design. Ones rooted in mutual appreciation and respect for what is true in the now, redefining and exploring what it means to be in loving and resonant connection on a moment-to-moment basis, knowing that the deepest commitment I have is to the mutual experience of respect, compassion, and freedom to choose.

I am a woman on her path, attracting in resonant souls and remembered kin along the way, building a community of connection and trust. I am grateul. I am humbled. I am alive.

Photo by Hedi Alija on Unsplash

Am I Polyamorous? No, I'm Just Human.

Someone asked me if I'm polyamorous. I said no, I'm just human.

I'm pretty turned off by labels when it comes to romance and intimacy. In fact, even the word romance, in my opinion, often leads us down a rabbit hole of fitting into a box of "how we're supposed to be" in relationship.

I don't want boxes or expectations when it comes to relationship, because the truth is, we are constantly changing and evolving human beings, and as a result the way we relate changes as well.

What I am a yes to do, I may be a no to tomorrow, and what kind of a relationship would something be if I was required or expected to do something against my will, simply because I've wanted to do it in the past.

I'm interested in genuine connection, not self-abandonment.

This isn't me looking for an excuse to avoid intimacy.

In fact, most of the reason people want to spend time with me, and pay me for my perspective, attention, and the space I hold, is because of the depth of intimacy I can easily tap into with any person who is truly willing to know themselves, and in-so-doing, truly know me.

What is unique an amazing about the relationships I have with men (I say men in this case because I am, for the most part, heterosexual), is that they are constantly evolving and changing.

I have a man in my life where we used to be sexual, and now we have a deeply intimate yet non-sexual relationship where we are collaborating on community projects together.

I have man in my life where we share a form of sexual intimacy, yet there is no penetrative sex, and he has a primary partner.

I have a man in my life who lives an 8 hour drive away from me, yet because of a deeply profound connection together during a workshop, we find it mutually worth it and fulfilling to get to know each other over the phone and through energetics, even though there is no guarantee if/when we will see each other.

I have a man in my life who I practice intimacy and space holding within a collaborative/colleague container, as a means to cultivate and deepen and expand my skillset in the Immersive Intimacy Work I do with men.

None of us have any agreements or commitments to each other, other than total honesty, transparency, connection and respect for each other's freedom and happiness.

These are the types of relationships I want and choose. Relationships where each person trusts, loves, knows and respects themselves enough to stay in integrity with who they are, what they want, and what they need in every moment.

From this place, we each come in fully resourced, our cups full, not pulling for something outside of us that can only be truly accessed from within.

So no, I am not polyamorous, because in my opinion, polyamory (not matter how well intentioned it is), is just another label that creates an illusion of safety from being hurt, and creates a box that try to fit ourselves into so that we can feel like our relationships make sense.

Intimacy doesn't make sense, who we find deep connection with cannot be predicted, and love is not something that can be controlled.

In the end, there is no right, there is no wrong, there is only choice. And to be truly and freely at choice, means that we need to know who we are and what we want, which no label or how-to-guide can give us.

We are brilliant, unpredictable, constantly changing beings, who have a capacity to love beyond anything we can possibly imagine.

What if we stopped trying to control, stopped trying to label, and instead, allowed ourselves to wade out into the unknown waters of true, unadulterated intimacy and connection?

There is magic
in the unknown.

There is wisdom
in the exploration
of what is true.

And in the process
of discovering
what exists
between you
and another.

You may just find
that you
discover You.

I love you.

A Willingness to Walk in the Dark of Desire

She is awakening...my hunger is awakening...yet again.

She has been dormant, though I did not realize it until recently. I've walked through the fire of this awakening process already, I thought.

I've connected to my sexuality. I've ignited my desire. I've been provocative. I've been aggressive in my sex in the face of a society that seeks to suppress my Feminine liberation of body, soul and spirit.

Been there, done that. I've already rejected societal norms of what conventional monogamy is supposed to look like. I've connected to my power, I've ignited the flame. 

But there is more. There is so much more. 

The next ring on the spiral. Similar flavor, different palate.

Humbled, yet again.

I am hungry. And my appetite is touching a new depth desire for satiation, where I know frivolous grasping for momentary sweet tooth fixations are not going to give me what I want. 

I want more. I want a smoldering of desirous energy in the core of my being that threatens a carnivorous eruption of prolonged passion that could fuel a continent for centuries to come.

My hunger is insatiable, and because of that awareness I realize I must be in command and discernment of the nourishment she receives, and the timing of her meals.

I have already gotten to the place where I know I can have everything. Lack is no longer the concern. Patience and deliberateness however, are my worthy adversaries and teachers.

I am powerful. I can have anything that I want. My desire is a force to be reckoned with. And I have learned that if I am not conscious of the ferocity of my will, men will crumble at my wake.

I am a fawn in the woods, tender and soft to the touch. Simultaneously, I am black widow spider. And if men come into the lair of my carnivorous Feminine without consciousness or intention, my wild nature will eat them alive. 

I cannot help it. I am a force of nature. I am an illusion breaker. And if you fall asleep, forgetting who you are or what we are capable of, I will devour the stagnancy that only assumptions and complacency can breed.

Everything changes. Everything dies. Everything burns.

Even as I write this, I wonder where my words will go, knowing that I am chaos, and to try and understand my wild ways will surely lead me to a purgatory of illusion and patriarchal dogma.

I cannot suppress or control the magnitude of my desire. She is a force, and to do anything other than cultivate and approve of her would surely be my and the world's demise.

In releasing control, I choose command. In releasing abstinence, I choose agency. Worthy trades, in my human perspective.

My hunger is alive, growing, cultivating, attuning, to the frequency of nourishment that will provide the most sustainable nectar for my vessel to breed love and joy that spills out like the gushing of my vulva when she is liberated to exude, express and devour without confines or restraint.

Love me, if you dare. Caress me, if you will. My passion is a flame that moths have burned within. 

And yet my heart, in the brilliant dance of tenderness, trust, surrender, and total domination, will hold you in a crucible of spiritual embodiment and emotional alchemy that will rub you into a diamond freshly polished from lead. 

I am chaos. I am God. And I am imperfect woman with a tender heart, who wants nothing more than to just come home.

May the fires of our soul light the way. For with you, my long-lost friend of Old, I am willing to walk in the dark.

 

The Magic of Being Honest About Who You Truly Are

When I, as a woman, conceal my desires and don't express my boundaries in my intimate relationships with men, I perpetuate a culture of affirming men's inadequacy and inability to attune to the energy and truth of women.

When I, as a Jew, cling to the belief that I need to suffer and struggle in order to live a meaningful life, I perpetuate and affirm a culture that has us believe that happiness and success cannot simultaneously exist.

When I, as a lover, do not ask my partner to slow down, lighten his pressure, or any other adjustment I desire in the moment during sex, I am affirming and supporting an approach to sexuality that is built on obligation and disconnection, rather than inspiration, awareness and love. 

When I, as a human, hide the wholeness of who I am in order to appease and make people around me "more comfortable", I affirm and support a culture that says it is not okay to live authentically.

I am a woman, I am Jew, I am a lover, I am a human...facing the courageous act every day of facing the sometimes seemingly insurmountable fear of being honest about who I am, what I want, what I need, and what I feel...while staying open in vulnerability, rather than closed, guarded, and protected in captivity. 

I am not fearless. In fact, I am shaking in my bones, willing to be seen in the nakedness of my truth, knowing that I am not "right", I am just willing to be honest, and connectable in that vulnerable place where I have nothing left to hide, because I'm wearing my soul on my skin, and my heart on my sleeve.

I want to know my heart, when I am no longer ruled by the expectations and projections of others, because I spent so much of my life, becoming who men believed I should be. 

Be less emotional, be less expressive, be less joyful, be more responsible, be more contained, be more docile. I had made a career out of becoming who I believed I needed to be so that the men in my life would love me.

And please men, who are reading this post, know that I love you, and do not blame you. It is in realizing the conditioning of my past, that I can be free to connect with love and trust in the present.

I am a woman, I am a Jew, I am a lover, I am a human...doing her best to heal the wounds of my gender and my labels, so that I can simply be a human, free of my past beliefs that I was different, isolated, and disconnected from the different genders, different races, different cultures around me. 

I choose to heal my past beliefs of being not enough, being a victim, and being too much, so that I can show up in full service to my joy, my liberation, and consequently the joy and liberation of all those around me.

Connection to Self and connection to the whole are one in the same. 

I am releasing the struggle for survival. 
I am releasing the guilt for my aliveness. 
I am releasing shame for my desire for more joy and pleasure.
I am releasing the belief that I need to isolate in order to succeed.
I am releasing the belief that I need to do anything other than exist in order to deserve peace, love, and happiness.

I am releasing all that does not serve me at this time in my life. 
Thank you for witnessing me. May my words be kindling for the firing starting in your soul.

I love you.

The Courageous Act of Being Vulnerable

I would love to be able to say that it gets easier facing our fears.

That it gets easier speaking the truth that is on our heart, in the face and risk of not being understood, being rejected, or losing love.

This is courageous work, being who we truly are. In a culture so hell-bent on making us feel that who we are is not okay.

I am a powerful woman with strong convictions, deep virtue, and relentless desire for more — more connection, more love, more knowledge, more experience, more power, more pleasure, more truth, more magic.

And simultaneously, I am a scared woman with a tender heart, a hyper-awareness of other people’s experience, and a Gemini mind that is constantly supplying me with a paradox of contradictory feelings and beliefs that could convince anyone that I am categorically insane.

Just because I teach the work, does not mean I am a master of it.

It just means that I am devoted to the practice of continually stumbling through this thing we call connection, knowing that I will never actually be able to perfect it or “get it right”.

There is no “right”. There is no “perfect”. There is just attunement to and resonance with what feels most good, alive and true in our hearts.

And it is terrifying. Did I mention it is terrifying?

To do this work and be seen in my fuckups and my withholds and my messy imperfections that make me want to vomit in a world that profits off of selling us our insecurities is INTENSE.

I am not perfect, but I am passionate. I am not enlightened, but I am engaged in the process of figuring my shit out so I can have the life and relationships that the real ME actually wants.

And I am hoping that in sharing the world inside the mind and heart of an Intimacy Coach, that we can all realize that there is no “right way” to “do” relationship.

There is no “rule book” for connection. There is no “defined path to fulfillment”.

We forge that path for ourselves, and what I do know is that it all begins with how we connect with ourself.

And the people who are willing and crazy enough to be our allies and partners in paradoxical crime through the process of our own awakening, are more valuable than gold.

Here’s to Sunday morning soul searching and bowls of avocado and quinoa. I’m going to go to the beach. Perhaps I’ll find my answer to the question I’m not asking in the ocean. Until next time, be real, be you.

A Container For Men to Open their Desire

He sat across from me on the floor, tense in his body. His knees up, arms crossed over his shins, unknowingly blocking himself from the energetic connection available between us.

He spoke from the chest up — I know this because I can feel his words in my body.

I can feel where he stops himself from embodying his masculinity, his core, his cock — the aspects of himself that have been shamed, persecuted, or made wrong, whether by women, by society, or by the conditioning of his mind.

Like many men, he feels it’s not safe or permitted to be all of who he is.

I pause him mid-speech, as I often do when I feel a client speaking but not saying anything. After nearly 6 years of this work, I’ve learned it’s not the words you say, but the transmission behind them, and I couldn’t feel him.

He is sharing about a recent date he went on with a new woman in his life.

He is exploring non-monogamy for the first time since his divorce of 16 years (ended 2 years ago), and wants to find approval for his desire to connect with multiple women, without caretaking emotions or feeling guilty for his own honesty about what he will and won’t give.

As he shares his experience about this woman, I invite him to share with me as though he is sharing his experience with a lover — inviting him to allow me to feel the arousal he experienced in his body from the date.

Upon this invitation, his face lights up, his body relaxes — and he feels the freedom that drew him to our coaching work in the first place.

He embraces the invitation, and glides himself towards me, inviting me to scratch his beard the way the woman from his date did the night before, showing me how he kissed the woman on the cheek.

I feel myself flush, and he as well.

I am his coach, and I am also a woman in his life. I invite and receive his eroticism, his arousal, his desire — without needing, pulling, or shaming any aspect of what he brings to the experience.

Within the clear boundaries of our coaching relationship, he is free to be who he is when he stops care-taking and holding himself back.

I ask him what he is feeling. He replies that he is nervous, yet excited, exploring the boundaries of our working relationship together.

He says he feels frustrated that much of the time when I ask him what he is feeling — he doesn’t know. He wants to know. He wants to be able to respond.

His desire is vulnerable and deep. My job is to help him to free himself from the shackles of shame and doubt that so many men wear.

I invite him to feel the energy of his cock. He smiles whenever I say that word.

A contained grin that reveals he is not used to women speaking about his genitals in such terms with such crass comfort.

I don’t need anything from him. I just want him to feel what it feels like to connect with his cock in the presence of a woman, and know that it is okay, that it is safe and so is he.

I look at him, and ask for consent to sit on his lap, demonstrating how I will sit. He says yes, and I proceed to wrap my legs around his lower torso, straddling his waist, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, his arms wrapped around my waist. And we hug.

I allow myself to melt into his embrace, and he can feel what it feels like for a woman to surrender into his arms. I hold him, I love him with my energy. I tell him that all of him is welcome here. That this is the man the world needs.

He is melting now. His eyes are warming. His body relaxing. A joy, an ease, a playful embodiment overcomes him that transforms him into an entirely different human.

“This is what I want. I want to be here all the time”. He says.

“You can take it with you”, I say. This energy that you and I are cultivating exists within you, and you have the ability to create it with anyone woman where there is a shared desire to do so.

Smiling. He. Smiling. Me. No grasping. No attachment. Just smiling.

I tell him that I’m going to get off of his lap, and I do. I look at the clock, 15 minutes until the end of our session. Perfect timing.

I remind him to remember what it felt like, to drop from his head into his body. To remember the moments where I paused him mid-word, inviting him to “come back down into your body, into your cock — speak from that place”. Inviting him to remember how it felt to transition from one space to the other.

“Practice dropping into this space with women in your life this week, with people in general. And text me to let me know what you notice and what you experience”.

He smiles. "Yes, I actually understand what you’re saying now", he says.

What has felt like a different language to him — the language of intuition, of energy, of feeling, is starting to make sense to him.

We hug goodbye, he leaves, and I smile. Content, that this is the work I get to do. Smiling because this is no work at all, this is home.

Truth, Love & Presidential Elections

I feel gravity this morning. I feel a weight and solidity in my body that is surprising, yet soothing. I know Trump is our new president. I know that many of his views run counter-intuitive to everything that I stand for, as a human, and especially as a women. 

I feel aware that simply for the fact that I am a white upper middle class woman that I have liberties that many people of other colors, genders and background do not have, haven't had, and will never have. And knowing all of that, I will still say this:

I don't feel afraid. And I don't feel anger either. It could be easy to feel anger at the sheer number of people who did vote for Trump, and use the fact that I voted for Hillary as an excuse for why I'm exempt from the creation of this startling reality.

But the truth is, Trump being in office is as much a reflection of myself as a reflection of the most angry, racist, misogynistic psychopath we've seen on camera at a Trump rally. Hell, at least that guy is letting his vitriolic freak flag fly.

Having reflects wanting. And the fact that we HAVE a man as president who has expressed such hatred, judgment, and disdain for so many people on this planet, it means that on some level, we believe this, we need this, we WANT this.

Trump being elected has me asking myself the following questions:

Where am I still suppressing my voice because of my fears about my inadequacy or fallibility as a woman?

Where do I still hold deep-seeded judgments of others based upon their belief systems, their anatomy, or the color of their skin?

Where am I still operating under the false belief that anyone has the key to my power and freedom other than myself?

I do not claim to be a woman who is versed in the details of politics, government and law. But I am a woman who is deeply versed in the wisdom, workings and evolution of the Soul.

And what I do know is EVERYTHING that occurs outside of me (especially that which instills within me seething angering or paralyzing fear) is a reflection of something within me desiring to be acknowledged, claimed, and brought into the light.

So today I feel grounded, and more clear than ever of the path that I am walking--as a human, and especially as a woman. 

With a man in office already speaking of his intention to take away a woman's right to choice of her own body--now is the time more than ever for women to bring our voices into the world.

Now is the time for women to recognize the medicine that only WE can bring to the planet. And that we can only bestow our medicine when we release all shame for who we are, what we desire, and what we believe in the deepest conviction of our own hearts. 

I am a stand for women claiming the power of their voice when they bask in the radiance of an open and unapologetic heart. And I am in support of building community around women stepping into the unique expression of their magic, of their power, that this world is so desperately asking for.

If you are a woman who feels these words resonating as truth in your bones, I invite you to join the community and conversation of women on the same Path in my closed FB group, Sex, Power & Magic, by clicking here: http://tinyurl.com/hu36wdm

And if you are a human, resonating with the words I am writing, I invite you to be compassionate with yourself today for the places where you still imprison yourself with your judgments, your insecurities, and your blindspots. 

You are reading this because you ARE doing the work, and yes, there is always more to be done. But trust yourself, and trust in the power of what is possible when we look at ourselves and the world with compassionately honest eyes. For the truth is not the whole truth, unless it is spoken with love.

The Willingness to Have What We Want

We can have anything we want.

That's not the issue.

The issue is that we're unwilling let go of all the stories and deeply ingrained beliefs systems that have us convinced of why we can't have it.

"I don't deserve it".

"It costs too much".

"It's not the right time".

"It's inconvenient for my relationship".

And here is my response to all of these reasons (which I myself have been a speaker of):

* The very fact you exist implies you deserve it.
* If you truly want something, you'll always find a way to make it happen.
* It's never the 'perfect' time to irrevocably transform the course of your life.
* If you're shutting down your desires in your relationships, that is something to look at".

So let's go beneath the surface stories and into the real raw truth.

Why do we avoid pursuing and actualizing our deepest desires and living our purpose?

Because we are afraid of the magnitude of our own power.

We are afraid of letting go of the small identity we have clung to for so long because it has kept us safe within a world that shames the rebellious act of being Yourself.

We are afraid of losing the relationships on our life that have kept us comfortable in our chosen subjugation.

We are afraid of making others uncomfortable in the magnitude of our presence and unapologetic nature.

We are afraid of the responsibility that we would have to take for EVERY single thing that we attract into our life.

Yes. That all makes sense. I get why you're afraid. It's terrifying to take responsibility for the magnitude of our power and impact on the world around us.

It's terrifying to acknowledge that there are no limitations to what we can have, except for the stories we cling to that strangle our spirit and block out our light.

So why would we choose this path, of having what you TRULY want? Because to have what we TRULY, it requires us to embody your True Nature. It requires us to become an intimate lover of our own Soul, and dive into the deepest parts of who we are that we hide from most of the world.

This is where our power resides, and when we do the work of reclaiming and embodying our True Nature, we become a magnet for the people, places and experiences that will reveal to us our Soul Purpose--it will reveal to us who we are when we live in the full out expression of our Greatness.

What I am speaking of is a life without limitations. A life steeped in the full expression of our purpose here on this planet. And a life filled with pleasure, peace and fulfillment beyond what we can currently imagine.

We can have it. It is our birthright. And it begins with a step outside of your comfort zone, and into the unknown.

Everything You Want Is In Your Body

Our ability to attract and receive that which we truly want in our life comes down to our ability and willingness to be embodied--meaning, the degree to which we choose to inhabit our body. 

Most of us spend our lives checked out of our body, living up in our heads, in our stories, around why it's not safe or not okay to be in our body now. The majority of reasons we do this ultimately come down to two things: Shame and Fear--the dynamic duo of disempowerment.

My experience is that often (but not always), shame precipates fear. They cycle seems to be that we experience shame about some aspect of our existence, often associated with the following:

- shame about the shape/size/weight of our body
- shame about our sexuality
- shame the things we desire or the things that give us pleasure
- shame about what we have NOT accomplished
- shame about money, career, family, relationship, health, etc.

And because of this experience of shame in one of (or several) of the areas spoken above, we experience fear around having to feel the emotional and physical pain that said shame provokes.
So, we choose to disembody, living up in our heads, and sometimes fully out of our bodies (thank you New Age movement), in order to avoid the pain, prescribing to the story "I'll decide to fully inhabit my body....

....once I lose the weight.
....once I have the right relationship.
....once I have financial stability.
....once I land my dream job.
....once I'm PERFECT.

What a PERFECT recipe for never fully inhabiting your body--choosing to put the full embodiment of human life on hold until all circumstances and conditions are perfect.

It's never going to happen.

Our lives are constantly showing us the places we have more healing to do, more walls to take down, more bridges to build where the destinations will hold more fruit than that which currently exist--but to hold off on BEING here right now, in anticipation of the "big exhale" of perfection, disconnects of from the very power source that can fuel the creation of a life rich with our deepest fulfillments.

To attract and receive the people and experiences that will truly nourish and fulfill us, we need to be IN our body. Otherwise, one of two things (or both) tend to happen.

1) We believe we are unworthy of what we want, and consciously push it way, or subconscious sabotage it's presence in our life.
2) We pursue relationships, careers or material things that aren't ACTUALLY what we want, but pursue them anyway because we've been told by others (family, society, peers) they will make us happy.

Do you know what you want? Do you ACTUALLY know what you want? Are you waiting for that "last thing" to click into place before you feel safe/worthy of fully inhabiting your body? Are you living a life of your choosing? Are you willing to be here now?

I ask you these questions, because I ask myself these questions every day. I've learned that creating a life of my choosing requires me to become curious of all the places I am saying "No" to being here right now. All the magic arises from a feeling, and all feeling begins in the body.

I love you.

Arielle

I Love Getting Triggered

One of my greatest teachers is a woman who triggers the shit out of me, and I'm not even paying her to do it. And before I go into detail, let me offer my own personal definition of "getting triggered".

"Getting triggered" means that some external stimuli, whether an individual or a situation, evokes an emotionally charged response in us the feels intense, irrational, and is usually quite uncomfortable to experience. Emotions often associated with getting triggered include anger, fierce judgment, jealousy, despair, confusion, torment--and the list goes on. The next thing that can often occur is a desire to lash out at or make wrong the person/situation that catalyzed the intense feelings. This can also be followed by feelings of victimization, helplessness and disempowerment. Sound familiar?

So here's the thing-- When we get triggered, there is an opportunity for us to discover an old (and sometimes ancient) pattern that is trapping us in a way of being that doesn't serve or empower us. And it is in this moment, where we can either choose to play out an old story, or become curious of what the message is beneath the emotional reaction. What are you protecting? What part of you is lashing out so fiercely to cover up the deeper desire for love, acceptance and permission for exactly who you are in this moment? Where is this an opportunity for me to reclaim more of who I am?

These are the questions I ask myself when I feel triggered. And this woman, this amazingly powerful woman who evokes such frustration, indignance, anger and desire all at once, offers me the opportunity to be humble, curious and supremely powerful, by inviting me to take full responsibility for my experience. Becoming curious of what part of me is wanting to be reclaimed and re-integrated, rather than going into the fear that I can't have access to this piece of my power.

What if we stopped blaming anyone for anything? What if we took 100% responsibility for everything that happened to us, no matter how out of our control the circumstance seemed? How would we live life differently if we know that our every thought, every emotion, every belief shaped our external reality? These are the questions I ask myself and live by every day. And let me tell you, it is a rich, rewarding and infinitely enchanted life I do lead.

With Love,

Arielle

 

I Am Here to Help Women Remember

I am here to help women remember who we are. I am here to help all beings remember that our natural state is joy and wonder, and it is from this place that ALL divine creation occurs.

I am here to help women access and remember their essence, through reconnecting to their pleasure and sexuality. And through MY sexuality, I am here to give men permission to let the beast within them roar with pride, power, and permission.

I am passionate about women giving themselves permission to fully own, express, and live from the deepest desires.

I am passionate about helping women seeing their emotionality, their intuition, their fluctuation in mood and mind, their sensitivity, their magic--everything that we have been shame and slaughtered for in the past--as what makes us powerful and wise.

I am fed up with living in a culture full of men who are afraid to be Masculine, and women who are afraid to be Feminine.

I am fed up with living in a culture where women fear they are too much for men, and men fear they are not enough for women.

I am fed up with living in a culture where people would rather suffer and slowly die inside in silence, then speak the truth of their heart. I am sick and tired of living in a culture of man-hating women, and women-hating men.

It is time to come together, as men and women, and say the things that keep us separated--that keep us fragmented, and cause the very destruction that we seeing happening to this beautiful planet that we live on. A balancing of the Masculine and Feminine needs to occur.

Both sexes have the struggle of our conditioning to work with.

We have both been shamed for being the very thing that makes us who we are, and we must ALL take responsibility for letting go of the conditioning and shame that keeps us enslaved, bitter, resentful and afraid.

I myself, keep myself enslaved by thinking "who am I to hold such bold a claim and belief as the one listed above"? 

I am a young, blonde, white woman living in America, who has always had food on her table and a roof over her head. I think "how dare you be angry, entitled, or in judgment of the people around you?" "You more than 90% of the world population".

Yet here I am, feeling these very feelings, and the reason I feel entitled to do so is because I am an embodiment of everything I know must change on this planet.

Every day, my commitment is to free myself of all the ropes, shackles and beliefs, that have kept me stuck in the very culture I speak of above.

I have feared being judged, ridiculed, cut down, laughed at, attacked, you name it, for the conviction of feeling and thought I hold within me if I was to express it outwards. And I have done those very things to myself in order to remain silent.

So, my commitment, moving forward, is to share what I believe, in utter power and humility, knowing that I will both inspire and trigger those who I touch with my words, and everything in between.

Perhaps my biggest fear is that I will do neither--and that my words will fall on an indifferent audience with no ears or desire to hear me. And that is my challenge, am I willing to speak up, regardless of the reception or welcome?

My answer is YES, I am and I will, from this moment out. I will speak and I will rise.

Thank you.

I love you.